Who’s the smarmiest scumbag on the planet? Matt Shevin. Sorry, thought we’d met.My agent called me last week with a commercial audition for FLO Widget. It's a new technology that transmits live broadcast TV, mainlly sporting events, to cell phones.
The casting director was looking for a sleezy, Jay Mohr/Bob Sugar-type sports agent from Jerry Maguire. My agent submitted the above headshot, and I got called in.
When I arrived at the casting office, it looked like it was hosting a cockfight, packed with dozens of guys who looked and dressed like me. I signed in, and read over the “sides”– industry slang for the audition scene.
I learned my lines (lots of sports-agent cocky talk) then concentrated on what I needed to bring into the room. FYI– if you ever bump into me at an audition, and I’m not my normal wiseass motor-mouth, I’m not shining you off; I’m in pregame. When I drive across town to an audition, I’m not there to socialize. I’m there to get paid.
My turn came up, and I gave them the lines they had written, then did some improv of my own. Then I split.
After the weekend, my agent called, and I got a callback, which is always tremendous. In the eyes of casting directors, it’s as good as getting the role, because they can both see that I can do the job, and know that their clients like me. Plus, since my very elite agent has a very strict policy (at least one callback per every 10 auditions, or they’ll cut an actor loose) it’s an even bigger win for me.
For the callback, the casting director sent me 25 more lines to learn, featuring this agent character talking to his athlete client. I spent all morning studying my ass off, until I knew them cold. When I showed up at the casting office, now featuring a few less of my clones, we were told that we should use a bunch of the new lines, and improv again.
When the camera rolled (auditions are always recorded), I swung for the fences. I delivered several of the lines they wrote– stuff like “Can you hear that? It’s the sweet smell of success”, and then riffed my own: “Buddy cop drama for you when you retire. You’re Italian, she’s from Wisconsin. Together you’re ‘Macaroni & Cheese’.” It got a big laugh from the client and director. So I tried another, “Huge opportunity for you… reality show that features you... wait for it… yodeling.” Another positive response.
I worked so hard I broke a sweat. And lo and behold, my agent called yesterday, and I was put “on avail”, more industry slang which means that I’m the understudy to the guy who got the role. The commercial shoots tomorrow, and if something were to the happen to their first choice, say, I don’t know, his brake line got cut, I’d be the guy. Fingers crossed.
So I’m “on avail”. This was an outstanding week for me, and I’ve earned this three-day weekend. If you need me, I’ll cracking open a can of Champale and looking for trouble.
