Acute Rhinitis.

I had timed it all perfectly. Haircut last Saturday, because it takes exactly one week to look as good as it’s gonna get. Same with the scruff, so I shaved that night as well. Skin clear, wardrobe selected – all set to get new headshots taken. But then, driving home Friday night, I felt the first hint of a cold. And by the next morning, Headshot Day, the cold kicked my ass. If you wanted to get me out of bed, you pretty much had to Weekend at Bernie’s me.

But the headshot photographer was the best in the city, and had given me a rare weekend appointment, so I rallied as best I could, and made it.

I won’t know how the shots came out until Thursday, but there’s a very good chance my symptoms will be pretty evident in the shots. Which means I’ll spend the next couple years playing mostly meth-heads, or John Boehner – he always looks like he’s about to be sick.

 Hooray. Showbiz.

He Sees Movies Like Real People Do.

There was a time, not all that long ago, when downtown Hollywood was a nasty place. But then an effort was made to build hotels and stores and theaters, and the town became so family friendly it practically has childbearing hips.

During the shitty days, it was fun to watch folks on vacation wandering around town, hoping to catch a glimpse of a celebrity. But the last star to hang out there was Hunphrey Bogart.

Cut to today, and Hollywood has the best movie theater in the country – the ArcLight – and suddenly the area is teeming with famous people. I was personally thrilled the other day to see Paul Dooley, who’s been in almost 200 TV shows and films, including stealing the most underrated sports movie of all time: Breaking Away.

Thank you, sir, for making me a tourist in my own city.

To Achieve Inner Calm, You Must First Disregard Typos.

The Eighth Great Movie Of 2014.

My favorite bands are Muse and the Black Keys. I also love the taste of flour.

Okay, I’m a music snob. But it’s justifiable – I’m a musician. Well, I’m a drummer. Close enough.

And Miles Teller is not only a great, young actor (he starred in The Spectacular Now, one of the best films of last year), but also a phenomenal drummer, in one the best films of this year: Whiplash.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless.

All of the music in Whiplash is played live by the actors, and JK Simmons is an all-time villain, which seems surprising, since he usually plays loveable dad-types, but don’t forget he was the despicable leader of the prison Aryan nation on “Oz.”

What do call a beautiful woman on a drummer’s arm? A tattoo.

Whiplash is a film everyone will connect with. It’s brilliant. It won the top prize at Sundance this year.

What’s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer? You only have to punch information into a drum machine once for it to understand you.

Enough. See the film.

Belated Birthday Boy.

I’m a dog guy all the way. In fact, dog parks are my favorite place to meet single women holding a bag of shit.

But I was a neglectful owner last week, when I traveled to San Francisco and completely forgot Ricky’s birthday. He was born on Thanksgiving, so every November 24th, we go to PetSmart and he picks out a toy. This year, we went six days late, but all was quickly forgiven as Rick got down to business. He whittled it down to three choices:

One with three imbedded tennis balls, a football harboring one tennis ball, and, God forbid – a canvas bone from Bret Michael’s (yes, that Bret Michael) line of dog toys.

Winner (unfortunately): the canvas bone. Happy birthday, dummy.

30 Seconds Of November.

 
My month. In one tiny bite-size morsel.

It’s Hard To Hold A Candle.

Apologies to Axl Rose. Turns out he was right about cold rain in November… Making the chillier weather extra special: my hot water tank is completely on the fritz. I’ve resorted to the Ray Lewis pregame ritual before getting in the shower… How was my Thanksgiving? Let’s just say I’m thinking about calling in fat today… Which was bigger nonsense during the Macy’s Parade: American Authors failing to lip synch, or the Sea World float being introduced under the guise of “conservation?”