The Mother Ship Calling Me Home.

The first thing I’m going to do when I’m rich is buy a United Airlines flight for everyone who works at the DMV, so they’re delayed forever.

I’ve more than made it clear that I despise United, almost as much as I love JetBlue. JetBlue is the SHIT.

So when I received a casting notice for a commercial for them, I trust they’ll do the right thing, and give the role to me, their phenomenal-yet-unpaid spokesperson. Your move, guys.