Every now and then I’d like to walk into my alma mater carrying my communications degree and say, “I’d like a refund, please. This did not work as planned.”
But then I forgive quickly. I could never stay mad at you, University of Maryland. I LOVED attending you.
It had been too long since I’d visited the campus, so after my frat reunion, I went back with my brother Buzzy and explored the campus. Above, circled in red, is Denton Hall, my freshman and sophomore year dorm. Overlooking the football stadium gave me a constant nipple-hardon.
Buzzy holding court with Maryland football players Lawtez Rogers and Isaiah Davis. No matter how old we get, we will always be little boys idolizing our sports heroes. By the way, Isiah’s brother, former UM defensive back Sean Davis, now plays for the Steelers.
We talked our way inside the Maryland football house, where on display is the original Under Armour t-shirt, complete with a first-incarnation logo. Former Maryland football captain Kevin Plank created this lighter, moisture-wicking shirt as a player out of necessity, and now Under Armour is worth $9 billion.
And you’re gonna need that $9 billion to afford textbooks these days.
Maryland began as an agricultural school, and to this day, the on-campus cows provide milk for what is no exaggeration the best ice cream you will ever taste. I’m still trying to lose my freshman 15.
Before catching a train to New York, I stood on the toilet of Board and Brew and left a message Shawshank-style.
