We’ve Never Been So Divided.

Extra Innings.

I call my nephew’s teammates “dude” and “bro” because I’m a cool uncle. Also, because I can't remember their names.

One other benefit of cutting my vacation short: I got to catch my nephew’s ballgame last night. He made the city all-star team, and my brother is his coach, so Ricky (sprung early from the kennel) and I made it to the field no problem.

I promised myself that this would be my best summer ever. It’s taken all of a week to make that happen.

In My Face.

Champagne says I'm classy. But vodka says I can do anything I want.

I went with the former yesterday, because I was in a celebratory mood after shooting the role I booked.

I currently live in my sister-in-law’s former apartment. After she left behind a bottle of champagne when she moved out, I wondered what to do with it. Then my friend Chad told me, “You’ll know when to open it.”

Yesterday I knew, and I wound up learning a couple things: 1) Chilled champagne is delicious, but dumped over your head will knock the wind out of you. And 2) There’s a reason athletes wear goggles when they spray it in each other’s faces. I went temporarily blind. Good times.

I Booked A Role. (And Had A Two-Hour Vacation.)

The Philadelphia airport is so good. Bro. We could totally hang.

And we did. And then I got right back on a plane to LA. I’d been psyched for this all year. Only one thing that could have prevented me from seeing the Yankees play the Phillies for three games – a very good thing – and it happened. I booked a role. It shoots today.

I found out on the way to Philly, and quickly scrambled mid-flight to get back to LA. I’d promised myself I’d have a cheesesteak while I was in Philadelphia, and I did. An atrocious one, along with crab fries. Vacation, baby.

No, no – I’m so excited to shoot. I’m not allowed to discuss it yet, but it was worth waking up at 3 a.m., flying 6000 miles, and returning home at 9 p.m. And they say the baseball sacrifice is dead.

I Am So There. (Seriously. Today.)

Is there a background check and waiting period for a hot dog cannon?

I will find out first-hand, as I’m flying to Philadelphia today to see the Yankees play three games against the Phillies. It’s this year’s edition of our annual trip, in which my friends Rob and Ted and I (we grew up together) catch our Yanks play a series on the road.

We will eat and explore our way throughout the entire city daily, and then I will post snarky blogs nightly. Join me.

Specializing In One Night Stands.

He Gets It.

I was on my way to commit a heinous act of revengeful violence, but then I saw a coexist bumper sticker.

Still, if only I could be as cool as Dave Annable. My friend Sharon recently forwarded me a story about him, in which he was simply the coolest.

Dave played the lead in a pilot called “The Code”. The show was picked up by CBS, with one caveat: Dave’s role was going to be recast. He found this out while with his family at Disneyland. Rather than suffer a justifiable meltdown, Dave took to Instagram, and posted this:

You may be wondering why the hell is this guy posting this when he was just fired from the show? Great question. There are multiple reasons. The first is that I LOVED the people I worked with and for and wish them NOTHING but success and love on this great show. To only see this as my loss is limiting and self-centered. It’s so much bigger than me. How about all of the other writers, producers, crew and fellow actors that worked so hard and gave everything they had to make this show work? This isn’t just my story. All of my friends and family who have reached out have said “F them! You’ll show them!”. I understand this way of thinking but let me pose a question. How does it serve me to be angry? It would not and does not CHANGE the situation. Me being angry at someone or something would not ultimately make me feel any better. It actually would make me feel much worse. If I chose to be angry that emotion spills over into my relationship with myself, my family and my friends. If I choose anger then I’m taking on the perspective of a victim. I’m not a victim. This is a circumstance. It is my choice and my choice only on how I choose to deal with it. After receiving the call that the show was being picked up and I was being replaced (while I was at Disneyland with my family, ugh) I went to the perspective of the student. What is the lesson here? What can I learn from this experience moving forward? I’ve yet to be given a reason but when I do you bet your ass that I will try and learn from it. Another reason I am posting this is fear. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of Failure. I’ve never been fired before and certainly not publicly. Right now I want to run. I want to hide. I want to quit. The TOUGHER thing to do is face it. To embrace it. Learning to deal with failure is one of the most important lessons you’ll deal with in your life. Guess what? Failure is mandatory. It’s growth. It’ll never stop. It’s where all the good shit happens that makes you a better person when you are open to seeing the right perspective.

Ever since I started meditating this past year, I’ve been incredibly better at realizing in the moment that when things don’t go your way, the universe is protecting you. Look back at anything in your life and you’ll agree. Dave will book something gigantic soon. Smart, lucky dude.

Pre-Production – Going Exactly As Planned.

Boys Night.

I used to be jealous about how many boring things my nephew got out of going to simply by shitting his pants.

But he’s older now, and mobile, and our relationship has taken on the dynamic of big brother/little brother. So we did dinner and a movie on Saturday.

My favorite part of the night was the meal, in which we carb-loaded at Shake Shack (credit to him for sarcastically telling the server taking our order he just wanted “a salad”) and ate while watching his Dodgers.

We very much enjoyed ourselves. Next weekend, I teach him to say thank you.

I Visit The Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library.

Seriously, if you hacked Donald Trump’s account and wanted to make him look like a lunatic, what the hell would you even tweet?

I stopped by The Daily Show’s tribute to our President’s proudest legacy over the weekend, and wanted to share some highlights.

First, enter your name into the generator…

…so an attendant can fill out your nametag.

A photo op of you in a bad rug and ill-fitting suit while tweeting directly from the throne.

The interactive #MAGA-netic wall.

Video!

A fan got his hands on the actual inauguration cake and had it delivered to The Daily Show studio. It’s the new Stanley Cup.

May Cause Spontaneous Pregnancy.

Fingers Crossed…

The guy who discarded his city scooter here is stuck in the grill of the UPS truck.

Progress.

The Museum of Broken Relationships, replaced by the Museum of Illusions.

57 Sunglasses, Please.

One time a woman left a full glass of sangria behind on our first date, and I pretended I forgot my sunglasses so I could run back and chug it.

Now I’ll be fully equipped for this con, as the props for my sitcom keep arriving. It’s getting good.

By the way, I’m completely reminded of this scene, during the riot in Animal House:
 

Rollin’ Out The Red Carpet.

My favorite moment from the Oscars was the dead-person montage a few years back, when all the celebs Joan Rivers insulted had to applaud her.

My favorite moment from the Dances with Films festival occurred Saturday night, with the screening of my friends Bru and Aina’s short Diwa. The film is haunting and beautifully shot, and the audience at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood was loaded with Bru and Aina’s good friends, who support them because they always go out of their way for us.

It was followed by a great after-party at Lono tiki bar. It was nice to have us all together and talk about what we’re working on. Like our friend Gary, who performed standup last night with Judd Apatow. Or Kirk, who is writing a sitcom pilot. And our friend Dean, who is about to direct a horror film.

Just a bunch of friends getting after it in a business we love. My kind of night.

I Cannot Confirm Or Deny.

Craftsmen.

Apparently my strength is sending emails referencing attachments without the attachments.

Attention to detail may not be my thing, but that’s not the case for the grounds crew at Angels Stadium. I went to the game last night, and noticed they fashion a halo around the pitching mound. I really dig that.

My Location Scout.

It’s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be some sort of a child prodigy, in which case yes, it’s too late.

My dream was to create my own sitcom, and I’m in the process of doing just that. It’s been entirely satisfying, putting the pieces together. My latest was a trip to check out a filming space, and it was exactly as I imagined. I loved it.

So now I have shooting dates, a director, one of the locations, some of the cast and several props. Still much to do.

Helping me is a quote. It may be about writing novels, but it’s fueling me nonetheless:
 “You try to put everything you have in a book. That is, don’t save anything for the next one.” – James Salter

This Couple Downtown.

I can only presume they were on their way to him tying her to the train tracks or the conveyor belt of a giant lumber mill saw.

Winning.

They’ll give those participation trophies out to anyone these days.

Actually, this is the Manhattan Beach Little League championship trophy, which my nephew and his coach (my brother) won on Saturday. Not pictured above: my nephew, who had run off to the post-game pool party.

Here’s the team. That’s my brother, back left. At the post-game party, he offered five bucks to whichever player could impersonate him best. So many F bombs.

Did I mention there was a party? Damn right there was a natural-rock water slide. Two of the players’ parents own the nicest home in the city. (Their pantry is bigger than my garage.) That’s my nephew in yellow. Not pictured: 1) The batting cage, back to the left, and 2) Vince Vaughn’s home next door.

Child abuse: I put one of these on my head and ran around the pool screaming “I’m Jackson’s uncle!”

In the basement: two bowling lanes. It’s like looking in a mirror.

31 Seconds Of May.

I enjoy long walks away from people who say, “Hey, you gotta watch this 10-minute YouTube video”.

That’s why I take only a second of video each day. Here’s May: