Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• The only time a man-bun is acceptable on a dude is when he’s vomiting.

• I needed that wedding to be Pearl Harbor. Because I wanted it to be da bomb. Just like that Michael Bay movie Armageddon.

• Where are all the nice guys? At home, probably, wondering why you just wanted to be pals.

• Yes, I will convince you to get MacBook. Stop shaking your cane at me.

• My SUV can sense an impending collision. The warning chimes of impending death are pleasant.