Hell Yeah.

The guy who drives this is so clearly running game that I’m invested in his getting laid tonight.

Just Saying.

My SAG Awards vote can be bought. DM me, Leo.

Bangin’ Fake Bieber Tattoo Sleeve, Bro.

My Motivation.

I’m feeling very snubbed to be the only white person not nominated for an Academy Award.

So I’m taking matters into my own hands, as I finally have time to edit the comedy sketches I shot in June.

I’m really liking both the look of the footage, and the performances by my co-stars, to the point in which I’m feeling pretty jaunty about it.

Jaunty? Yeah. That just happened.

Work Much?

Is Domhnall Gleeson contractually obligated to appear in everything? I swear the man showed up in my bar mitzvah video.

He’s a phenomenal actor with great range, but it’s worth noting he appeared in over half the films I saw in theaters last year: The Revenant, Brooklyn, Star Wars and Ex-Machina. I think he’s movie stalking me.

Don’t Mess.

Tore up asphalt yesterday with my niece and nephew. We're like a biker gang without swag.

It was the perfect end to a jam-packed Saturday and Sunday. And after all of the goodness, the best line of the weekend goes to my nephew, who after asking me my relationship status, pointed to his dick and said “THIS is your girlfriend.”

56 Slices Of Heaven.

When I die, don’t put flowers on my grave – put Mulberry Street pizza.