Is It Just Me?

Or is this paint name for the exterior of my house kinda off-putting?

My New Toy.

I take the “L” and “R” on my headphones way too seriously.

You may call it OCD; I call it a healthy respect for technology. So imagine my thrill this week when my new mic arrived.

I’ve been writing like crazy and will be putting this thing to use soon, as I direct and star in something new I’ve been working on.

And I’d better do it soon, because I don’t trust that look in Ricky’s eyes.

Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• Any pizza is a personal pizza if you’re sad enough.

• If you want to keep a secret from me, write it and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.

• There’s nothing more annoying than someone trying to live by his values.

• I never reflect more on the terrible things I might have said or done than when you take longer than 10 minutes to text me back.

• Is everyone done keeping calm yet?

• My own personal hell sounds great, actually.

Dans Lequel Je Vous Aider A Gagner Un Lotta Cash. (In Which I Help You Win A Lotta Cash.)

March Madness is coming up, and I’ve got a tip: carefully fill out your NCAA bracket as if Sue in HR won’t win by choosing solely based on which players share birthdays with her cats.

And if you need to scratch that office pool itch even sooner, here’s a lock for the Oscars, in the live action, short film category: Avant Que De Tout Perdre. It’s French for Just Before Losing Everything, and of the five shorts nominated this year, it’s by the far the best.

The film follows the day in the life of a woman who has decided to leave her abusive husband, and is proof that sometimes all you need is 29 minutes to make a truly gripping thriller. It’s the beauty of short film – no filler, no side stories, no big budgets that’ll distract you from telling the story.

Eh, whatever. Go win your pool. You’re welcome.

Weekend Recap.

A valet scratched my new SUV. It’ll get paid for, which is swell, but I’m surprised I found the auto body place that will do it, seeing as it peaked 29 years before Yelp was created… Now that the closing ceremonies have happened, Sochi better gear up for all us tourists who can’t wait to visit that paradise… I had drinks at The Galley in Santa Monica. The place looks like Christmas threw up inside of it… While trying to straighten out a snafu with Amazon, I rewrote their on-hold message: “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”

My Favorite Real Headline.

The Two Items On My Weekend To-Do List.

1) Go to a special screening of the live-action short films nominated for an Oscar
2) Legally change my name to Ultra-Chronic Monstah (I got it from a Wu Tang name generator)

Wish me luck.