Memories Of A Memorial Day Weekend.

Funny thing about LA: people don’t feel the need to get away for three-day weekends. In fact, I had a casting workshop Saturday. Aspiration takes no vacation… Saw The Tree of Life, and I can say for sure Brad Pitt is a lock for an Oscar nomination. I can also say Brad will never again appear in the same movie as dinosaurs. (I’m not kidding)… I had an unexpected residual check from “The Tonight Show” in my mailbox, and turned right around and bought a TV for my bedroom. It was the transactional equivalent of an Escher painting… I once promised I’d sell my soul if my Maryland Terps won an NCAA lacrosse championship, but they unfortunately lost in the finals yesterday. Until next year, Devil.

Once Again, Real Casting Notices I’ve Seen This Week.

• Male leg amputee. Must be comfortable with amputation being a focus of the sketch.
• If you love your puppet or stuffed animal... a little too much... and have been criticized because of it, we want to hear from YOU!!! If you can't leave the house without it or can't talk to other people without talking through the stuffed animal or puppet, we want to hear from YOU!! Thanks!!
• Be a judge on “America's Bottom Model.”
• Looking for a woman who will walk in with her friends and order food. She will be asked to eat naked. She will take the question the wrong way and strip off her clothes.
• YOU SHOULD BE DRUNK AND HOMELESS - OVER THE TOP - DRUNK AND HOMELESS STEREOTYPE.
• Please be gay or be able to convincingly pass as a gay male. We want you to be a bit more on the feminine side. Flamboyant is fine too. Will have lines so please be comfortable with lines. Will also need to be comfortable taking off your shirt. THERE IS NO NUDITY AT ALL AFTERALL WE ARE A CHURCH but you will need to start unbuttoning your shirt in part of the scene and WILL ALSO NEED TO BE COMFORTABLE hugging another guy to IMPLY a sexual situation.
• Must be a hot sexy man who in order to live the high life seeks money and expensive gifts from rich/wealthy or powerful women. Equivalent to a gigolo or boytoy. Must have class.

He’ll Be Missed.

Lately, it seemed as if Jeff Conaway had been forgotten in a hot car by his supposed friends Judd Hirsch and Tony Danza.

The acting gigs had dried up, except for whatever craziness he embellished on reality shows. (Because there is no “reality” in reality shows – it’s all contrived. Right? Right.)

But back in the day, Jeff Conaway was a damn good actor, and every woman’s crush. He hit it out of the park weekly on “Taxi,” and I choose to remember him that way. And you’ll see what I mean when you watch the above episode, in which Jeff’s character impersonates/becomes a more suave version of Danny DeVito’s character Louie, and takes Louie's place at his high school reunion when he's too ashamed to attend.

Jeff followed Danny around the entire week they shot this, nailing his persona, and wound up severely hurting his groin while rehearsing the dance scene. But Jeff was a trooper, and powered through the taping in pain, managing to do splits and lots more. Check it out.

This Week In @mattshevin Tweets.

• (ABOVE) Why put that thing in the water when you can just tow it around town and babes will follow you home?

• Did the Rapture include Ralphs Supermarket running out of cheese samples? Because that just happened.

• Day four of my neighbors’ wet clothes still sitting in the washing machine. #OurLongNationalNightmareContinues

• Women who say their cat is "just like a dog!" #PurgingFriendsOnFacebook

• Damn, I’m gonna miss American Idol. #MyAccountHasBeenHacked

Cakes And Pies I Have Recently Witnessed And/Or Chowed.

TYPE: Neopolitan.
OCCASION: My friend Bru’s birthday at Talesai in Studio City.
NOTES: Outstanding. Neopolitan ice cream, now in cake form. Bru’s wife brought it to this Thai restaurant for his birthday dinner, and as we got up to go to a movie, we gave the leftover cake to the owners. They were grateful, but I have a strong suspicion they wound up selling a few slices of it.

TYPE: $100 apple pie.
OCCASION: Post art-show dessert at Al Gelatto in Beverly Hills.
NOTES: Didn’t eat this – just gazed at its glory like it was the Grand effin’ Canyon. Many migrant worker hands picked many bushels of apples to create this monstrosity. Much respect.

TYPE: Top-shelf goodness from Becker's Bakery, Manhattan Beach.
OCCASION: My friend Al’s birthday.
NOTES: The pic on the cake is Al, taken about 30 lbs. ago, after he’d just finished his wrestling career at Syracuse. He told me that underneath all his present blubber, that body still exists.

TYPE: Sheet cake.
OCCASION: My niece’s birthday.
NOTES: Due to my complete aversion to kids movies, I had no idea who Jessie was. I did, however, friend the chick hired to play Jessie at the party on Facebook.

Support My Friend.

My favorite part of books is movies.

And tomorrow night, a big movie is opening, starring one of my favorite fellow actors: Crystal, who plays the drug-dealing monkey in The Hangover Part II. Let’s all get out there and support her, even though she hardly needs it – the film is going to have a huge weekend. And it feels good that I'm connected to someone who's a part of it.

Oh, and by the way, a friend of mine from grad school, Scot Armstrong, wrote the film… but whatever… Crystal!

My Belated Birthday Gift.

I’ve come to find that if you don’t involve yourself in government as an individual, corporate America is happy to make the rules for you.

And I came to this conclusion after watching the documentary Street Fight, about my favorite politician of all time: Cory Booker.

Cory will become your favorite as well, and part of your gift to me. You see, it’s tradition that on my birthday, I ask that you watch 25 movies that I think are great but have been somewhat overlooked. That way good films will get more of the attention they deserve, and beget more good films. And I'll get cast in them and write happy blog entries about them and the circle of life will continue:

1. The Bridge
2. Bringing Out the Dead
3. City of God
4. Devil in a Blue Dress
5. Exit Through The Gift Shop
6. Heavy
7. The King of Kong
8. The Last Days of Disco
9. The Lookout
10. Machete
11. The Myth of Fingerprints
12. North Country
13. The Other Guys
14. Paper Clips
15. Pushing Tin
16. Rabbit Hole
17. Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
18. Slasher
19. Smoke
20. Solitary Man
21. Street Fight
22. Sunshine Cleaning
23. The Town
24. The Visitor
25. Zero Effect