Once Again, Out-Of-Context Thank-You Notes I’ve Recently Written To Casting Directors.

• I like when people have nose rings. That way I know in advance they’re interested in fine art.
• I didn’t make a killing shorting sub-prime mortgages, but I made enough money at my bar mitzvah to buy a tennis racket.
• I’ve come to find a 42” plasma can get you out of any jam, mishap or Class B misdemeanor.
• Juggling a gay lover on the road is not nearly as risky as opening a store with your wife in a sluggish economy.
• You might remember me either from the role of “John,” or as the actor who tore ligaments in his finger while putting on shorts. I prefer the former.
• If a friend slept with my wife, I wouldn’t hit him. But I would pen a carefully-worded note to him and… eh, seems like a lot of work… I’d slug him.