There’s A Lesson In This.

Don’t even get me started about my last laptop. That piece of junk was costing me 100 bucks a month in duct tape alone.

My newer one was in phenomenal shape, until Sunday night. I was told it would take seven to ten days to fix, but Apple did it in two. Outstanding.

On the other hand, something interesting happened while I had idle hands: I realized my next skill challenge. A couple years ago, I grew a new lawn from seed. Earlier this year, I taught myself to cook, and then how to paint. My new obsession has had me collecting the tools I’ll need all over town.

An MRI exam of my head might reveal an inner space of a circuit board, a kit car, a distillery, and a Sears Catalog Home. Makes sense.

He Made The Nice List.

What Blogging This Week Feels Like.

Whenever my laptop breaks down, and someone tells me I should give it to the IT guy, I throw it in the sewer and let the clown have at it.

My MacBook was working again, but then it wasn’t. So I brought it to the antithesis of clowns: the Apple Genius bar. I need a new logic board, and it’ll take seven to ten days. That Ashton Kutcher made a faulty product.

So I’m typing this on my iPhone, which is far from user friendly. More like user enemy. My thumbs are fat. Bear with me. Hurry, Apple. This blows donkey.

Culinary Corner.

From now on, whenever I’m talking to someone and I realize he isn’t quite there, I’m going to think: “His cornbread ain’t done in the middle.”

I was going to go the easy route four our huge Thanksgiving feast, but then I was in the supermarket and realized A) I taught myself how to cook/bake this year, and B) my nephew absolutely loves cornbread. So I made a buttermilk cornbread.

The key is in the stirring – keep going until the lumps are almost gone. The result: semi-sweet yumminess. And, If you think about it, just add hotdogs and sticks and you’ve got instant corn dogs. Bon appétit.

Not Today.

Like a recovering crack addict, my laptop is broken, and I can only use others in small doses.

There will be no post today. I am at the Apple Store as we speak. Forgive me. 

Born On Thanksgiving.

My dog acts like he’s always auditioning to be my best friend. I’m like “Dude, you already got the part. You can relax.”

Tomorrow is my best friend’s birthday, and I gave him his gift in advance: a fancy, new collar. He prefers beach motifs.

Seven years old. Big boy.

I Give Thanks.

If you had the Thanksgivings I had growing up, you’d also refer to it as “The Nightmare Before Christmas”.

Here are a few of the things I’m thankful for this year:

• Anthropomorphized Alvin the Chipmunk 
• My horse valentine 
• My new potato ricer 
• Ricky Williams sitting in coach 
• $34 for four slices of pizza 
• Dessert that took 5½ hours to make 
• The tree that smashed my mom’s house 
• My rapper name: Kid Pizza 
• The color-coordinated Easter photo 
• Ridiculous t-shirts of fellow gym members 
• Ollie Shevin peeing on a law firm’s landscaping
• My negative pregnancy test 
• Virgin Raisinettes 
• My $19 million net worth