In Which I Give The Dunces Their Due.

Airlines: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices.

United Airlines: not even offering you that, because all they do is delay and cancel flights. I’ve bitched about it a dozen times on this blog, but today I have to give them credit.

Yesterday, United wouldn’t allow a woman to bring her emotional-support peacock on a flight. A no-brainer sure, but they didn’t manage to bungle this one. (Of course, on the same day, they bought the naming rights to the LA Coliseum. After 95 years of tradition, it will now be called the United Airlines Memorial Coliseum. Sacrilege.)

Back to my point – I love pets as much as anyone. I’m infatuated with my dog. But he belongs in the kennel when I travel. The emotional-support animal grift must come to an end.

As for the woman who attempted to bring the peacock onboard, let’s presume it’s a lock she doesn’t have a special guy in her life, but how about family or friends? Didn’t anyone mention to her it was a bad idea? Get it together, people.

By the way, whether you love animals or not, check out this video posted online yesterday. It’s the best:

Cat's face though! pic.twitter.com/BIIebrqNMw

— Fascinating things (@YupThatExist) January 16, 2018

The Microphone Is Open.

I went to an open mic night at a place I’d never been before: Industry Café & Jazz. There was a cool house band, spoken word artists, rappers, and a comedian who bombed so badly he could have arrested for terrorism.

But at least he was out there, trying new things. And so were we. There was plenty of good beer and East African food. (Very new to me. A lot of maize, and gigantic portions.)

If you’re in the neighborhood – and it’s a very cool neighborhood, the Arts District in Culver City – stop in.

Culinary Corner.

I’ve eaten enough Chinese food in my life that my fortune cookies have started to contradict each another.

I do love the Chinese food, but unfortunately, Chinese restaurants are disappearing, replaced by “Asian fusion”. The best authentic Chinese place by my mom in New York is a restaurant in the lobby of a Marriott.

So I decided to pick up the gauntlet, and in my third attempt at cooking, I made wonton soup.

Because I still refuse to do things the easy way, I made the wrappers from scratch. (Admittedly, it was a bit of a bitch.) Handy tip: to help keep them symmetrical (mine were nine square millimeters) I used a ruler to both measure and cut the dough.

The finished product. I filled them with chopped pork and shrimp and they were yummy. I highly recommend the effort. Bon 食欲.

I’m More Chipmunk Than Alvin Is Now.

Thanks So Much.

I tell people that the secret ingredient in my baking is “love”, but it’s actually “floor”.

I’m still learning. And building an arsenal of utensils as I go. Helping very much: my friend Jenn sent me three items I’m going to need – a zester, an apple corer, and a doughnut cutter.

Thanks so much, Jenn! You are entirely generous and I’ll be whipping up a batch of zesty apple doughnuts in your honor.

Champions.

Soccer is so numbing, you could pierce my ears during a match and I’d never know.

And yet I enjoy my nephew’s soccer games. Maybe because I spend the whole time on the sideline telling his teammates that I bet on the other team, or asking them where they’re going to buy me a burger if they win. And when they win, I put my hands up in the air and shout “I win! I win!” They’re not keen on that one.

Lately, his team has been winning like crazy. They won the city title, and were now gunning for the South Bay championship. On Saturday, my nephew, the team’s goalie (that’s him in yellow), made a huge stop on a shootout to win the semi-finals. Then on Sunday, they beat El Segundo to win it all.

Win it all locally, that it is. Next month they start the state playoffs in Riverside. (Parents lament to me that it never ends. Handy tip: just tell your kid he didn’t make the team.)

I’ll be there to support him. I have to. During timeouts, that butt’s not gonna stand on itself.

My Favorite Movies Of 2017.

Thom Mount, the former president of Universal Studios, said, “Somebody used to say to me when I’d say I work in Hollywood, and these people who are disparaging of Hollywood—and there are many of those—well, ‘It’s not brain surgery.’ I would say, ‘Yes, you’re right, it’s not brain surgery. It’s heart surgery.’” It’s much more fundamental to the human condition than brain surgery.

This morning, the nominees for this year’s Oscars were announced. There can be anywhere from five to ten nominations for best picture, but I thought seven films really stood out. Here they are, in order:

The Big Sick. A perfect movie. Easily one of the most realistic portrayals of romance. The screenplay should be taught in every screenwriting class – every character faces obstacles and learns something. My favorite movie of the year.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. I voted for this film for best cast for the SAG Awards, and it won. Every actor shows incredible range, and the film is able to be tragic and funny and you wish it went on even longer.

Logan Lucky. A heist movie that is so much fun. The hilariousness is in the details, like when the one-handed character Clyde is sentenced in court, and two bailiffs give each other a perplexed look when they want to cuff him.

Baby Driver. Entirely stylized. Entirely original. It’s like a folk tale, told in modern times, with a kickass soundtrack. You just have a great time watching it.

Dunkirk. A beautiful, epic war movie told from three points of view: air, land and sea. Writer/director Christopher Nolan asked for an unheard of $20 million and 20% of the gross up front, and no one can argue that he didn’t earn it.

Molly’s Game. No one is better at dialogue than my favorite screenwriter ever, Aaron Sorkin. And this was his first time directing. Jessica Chastain’s scenes opposite Idris Elba (who’s never been better) are electric.

All the Money in the World. Interesting that four of my seven favorite movies are based on true stories. But when the real events are incredibly gripping, they almost have to be retold on film. This is an instant classic.