Wednesday, April 29, 2015
I’m not sure I’ll be qualified to answer this question, seeing as I’m heading to Costa Rica tonight with 14 dudes. It’s a bachelor party, and I’ll be gone through Sunday.
The over/under on how many guys make it back is 11. Take the under.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
The older I get, the more life feels like I’m just killing time between meals.
Better make the most of it – which I did last night at Tavern in Brentwood. Above, what they call Devil’s Chicken, with braised leeks, onions and mustard breadcrumbs. Sacrilicious.
For dessert, the Snickers Bar, with salted peanut caramel and vanilla ice cream. Best copyright infringement I ever scarfed.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Thursday, April 23, 2015
I'm actually not afraid of heights – it’s the falling from them part that concerns me. On the other hand, I wrote a comedy sketch that takes place on the edge a high-rise roof, so I must be okay with it. I sucked it up and location-scouted for the upcoming shoot and I gotta say, it looks so damn good it’s worth it.
Eh – I’ll just “act” like it’s no big deal.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
The writing is going well, and I’ve got several comedy shoots lined up. I don’t want to tip any of the premises, so instead, I’ll offer up a line from a few of them:
• “You have no idea what it’s like to be shot in the face with a spudzooka.”
• “The graveyard shift at Circle K is killing me, bro.”
• “I should smack that kid in the back of the head.”
• “Tonight’s top appetizers: crispy marinated chicken, pumpkin ravioli with miso jam, chili crab toast and fried oysters. Let’s go to Chet with the specials.”
• “I just love good old-fashioned ‘poop.’”
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Monday, April 20, 2015
It began with me trying to map out the day’s agenda. I actually went the fun route, taking them to the park, then lunch, then ice cream.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
You know what the problem is? We’re a weak union. Bunch of actors. The Teamsters wouldn’t tolerate this shit. Yeah, let’s be more like them.
But then I read about them, and found this:
When Bravo’s “Top Chef” began taping at Boston’s Steel & Rye restaurant in June, Teamster members from Local 25 greeted the crew and stars with picket signs, verbal abuse, alleged vandalism and even death threats. By the time “Top Chef” host Padma Lakshmi’s car pulled up to Steel & Rye in the picturesque New England town of Milton just outside Boston, one of them ran up to her car and screamed, “We’re gonna bash that pretty face in, you f*cking whore!”
You know what? I’m good. Go SAG.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
But there are moments when the web and I need a trial separation, because it’s spawned the worst thing imaginable: mock outrage.
Everybody’s offended by everything. “Saturday Night Live” recently aired a commercial parody that had an ISIS premise, and the Internet went kablooie. People said SNL was pro-terrorism, not thinking for a second that the show simply shot a funny sketch. Comedy pushes boundaries. The sketch mocked ISIS and a commercial for Toyota.
When Trevor Noah was named Jon Stewart’s replacement, people went apeshit, saying he was anti-Semitic because he tweeted: “Almost bumped a Jewish kid crossing the road. He didn't look b4 crossing but I still would have felt so bad in my German car!”
Anti-Semitic? No. Guilty of a lack of creativity? Sure. Do we really think he’s Anti-Semitic? His current job is reporting for “The Daily Show,” for Jon Stewart – the Jewiest guy on the planet.
A couple weeks ago, the sitcom “Workaholics” had an episode in which a dad smacked his pain-in-the-ass kid. Instead of showing the kid getting hit, it was seen as a shadow projected on a wall. And then before the credits rolled, this message in the above pic popped up. Was it really necessary?
My point is this: I’ve been shooting comedy sketches recently, and was challenged a bit to cast one role because the premise was a little dark. But I’d rather push it, because that’s what comedy is supposed to do. And I would tell all actors that I’m going to write a bunch of sketches, and I’m going to make them as funny as I can, and you really should get on board. Play it safe, you lose. Internet be damned.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Billy Crystal and Josh Gad star as fictionalized versions of themselves in the new FX show “Comedians,” and they’re not afraid to come off as douchey. Billy is especially subtle and perfect, and shows a side of himself we forget about after so many over-the-top Oscar telecasts. Plus you gotta hand it to him – he’s worth $45 million and still wants to get on the air and perform. (My new addiction: celebritynetworth.com. The lower level the celeb, the more fascinating it gets. Urkel is worth $10 million.)
Watch “Comedians.” Give it ratings. It’s really good.
Monday, April 13, 2015
my admiration for the San Francisco Airport, which continues to be under a major overhaul. Check out the new, mod light fixtures. SFO is easily the nicest airport in the country.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Gotta hand it to them – they’ve completely eliminated the chances of some lunatic flying one of their jets into a mountain – by never taking off at all.
After I got up at 3 a.m. and went to the airport, my flight was first delayed two hours, then seven hours, then canceled altogether. Apparently, getting a crew together just slipped their minds.
I managed to scrounge up a flight through San Francisco much later and finally got back to LA. It was the very last time I will ever fly that shitbag airline. Not by choice; they’ll just be out of business in a couple weeks.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Thursday, April 9, 2015
It was a great finish to a vexing day. I found out on the shuttle to the airport at 5 a.m. that my flight was delayed two hours. Then my DirecTV monitor on the plane was dead the whole flight. So was the USB power adapter. I hope United Airlines chokes to death on the balls it sucks.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
I hope to test both theories as I fly to New York today. I have a big meeting tomorrow in Stamford, CT, so I’ll be staying at my mom’s. This is a nice, unexpected trip.
The weather in NY today is 43° and rainy. Hey – looks like June came early.
Monday, April 6, 2015
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Friday, April 3, 2015
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Yeah, I don’t like to do things the easy way. Which must be why my next comedy sketch is going to be shot on green screen. When my friend Chad came up with the story, and I wrote the script, we didn’t plan on needing any special technique, but here we are.
We’re shooting the first stage tonight. I regret everything.